My heart is an octopus.

     My heart is an octopus because I feel like I have various arms reaching out to grab several things at once. Trying to achieve one goal is hard enough as it is, so imagine trying to shoot for several things at once. I want...

• To be a full-time vegetarian.
• To run.
• To cycle long distances.
• To get good grades on all my classes.
• To take care of unfinished business. 
• To write poetry/stories. 
• To practice yoga. 
• To meditate.
• To read 28 more books by the end of the year.
• To save up money.

I'm going to have to seriously time-manage to fit all of this into my day. Come to think of it, I can do a few of these at once. I can listen to audio books as I work out and drive to and fro work. I can also rotate days to work on running/cycling/yoga... ugh... like I said, its going to take some serious time-management. I definitely think I need to start waking up earlier its just I'm so tired if I go to bed at 12 and have to wake up at 5.

I have started meal planning in an attempt to save money, use all of the food in my house so none of it goes bad, and to save myself the stress that comes from being torn between arriving to work early or making lunch.

Though, I must admit, as much as I complain, its nice to have these goals and be working towards them. Looking back at my high school life I don't remember having any goals except getting good grades in all my classes...and I was so unsatisfied. I feel all my current endeavors better me as a person and are really fun as I feel my way through the learning process.

Oh, next month its going to be interesting because I'm going to participate in Ramadan. THAT will be quite the monkey wrench.

Anyways, I have to get back to work. Writing for the day? Complete. :)

Try, try again.

Awake, I lie still. 

In the darkness I feel guilt.

Lazily, I pray.

     Since summer began I decided I would stall my studies, temporarily, and just dive into books on spirituality (among a few other genres). I've read convert stories, multiple books and articles on religion and many an author's explanation of religion's intricacies.

     The religions that I've taken an interest in are Islam and Buddhism. I have to admit that I am utterly in love with both. There is only one problem: I'm too lazy to meditate/pray. As a Catholic I'm used to simply saying a quick little prayer on the go, whether it be while I'm driving, while I'm getting ready for the day, etc. I'm not used to dedicating a specific part of my day to prayer/meditation. Yet I want to incorporate a special time to meditate/pray just as Muslims and Buddhists do. I think it will help me concentrate, reach God and work that good energy. 

     I have tried waking up at 5 A.M. just as everyone in the movies are shown to do but I can't get out of my bed! The closest I've come to meditating/praying at 5 A.M. in the morning was yesterday but all I could do was open my eyes, whisper a prayer and apology to God for being so lazy, and go back to sleep. I have also tried it late at night, right before going to sleep but I find that time to be problematic because I feel really sleepy and rush through the prayer/meditation...thats if I have enough energy left to go through with it. 

     I guess, like any other habit, practice makes perfect. If I do it enough it will start feeling more natural to me and I'll probably be able to actually get out of bed... I don't know. Some days I wish it were easier to become a Zen Master.

    If you have any tips, tricks or book recommendations please mention it!